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Here's Jessica Simpson performing in San Antonio last night, and who the hell is her choreographer? There's no nudity, so it can't be Joe Simpson.



But whoever it is, the only stage direction they seem to be giving is "Make sure you look 10-15 pounds heavier, and if you could flash a little gut, icing on the cake."



Then again, that conversation could turn ugly once it's revealed the cake is metaphorical. If there's one thing Jessica Simpson hates, it's metaphorical food. And dieting.


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